My BF drives me insane with his clutter. He has pans all over the stove, dishes all over the counters, mail scattered everywhere all over his house. Discarded wrappers under the couches (you get the idea). Every surface is completely covered. When I try to make dinner I often have no place to prep food because there is stuff in the way. He constantly loses things and his place wears me down because it’s complete chaos.
And I’m not a neat freak. I’ve been known to have some cluttery areas where I dump stuff in my own apartment. The difference is that mine is contained and I know where those areas are and go through them occasionally.
He desperately wants me to move in with him, but his place honestly drives me crazy and makes me feel stressed. He’s talked about cleaning it up so I can move in, but has spent maybe 2 or 3 hours in the course of the last 4 months doing anything about it. I’ve attempted to help out and spent at least 20 hours cleaning up and organizing his kitchen, living room and pantry and moving things he never uses to storage and organizing it.
He was grateful, but within a week things were back to unusable levels of clutter again even with reduced amounts of stuff and easier places to put it.
His bathroom was redone after a burst pipe and now it’s very clutter free and he says he’s scared to death of it getting cluttered. He’s militant about anything going in the bathroom because he wants it to be pristine. The problem is that this means all his bathroom stuff is sitting in the kitchen instead since there isn’t room for things he really does need, with a small two drawers in the bathroom that won’t fit it all. Even his contractor commented about how little storage he has in there. It’s completely unrealistic, but he seems much more interested in something looking pristine than actually being useful and workable.
When he tries to do anything about it he becomes freakish, panicky, hostile and unpleasant to be around. I think he has an unrealistic picture of “perfect” cleanliness that no one will ever achieve, so he can’t settle for “good enough” and lets everything become a nightmare.
I’ve tried to involve him with the process, but he finds excuses not to, or becomes so unpleasant that I can’t be around him while doing clean up. The only way anything gets cleaned up is if I do it while he’s away.
This is beginning to feel like a deal-breaker to me, even though I love the guy.
Any suggestions about how to deal with this? Sometimes I think he requires some counseling or something and even then I’m not sure if it would change. I’ve about had it with his aspect of his personality. Even though many parts of him and our relationship are really great I just don’t know if I can put up with it any more.
Cluttery Boyfriend
My BF drives me insane with his clutter. He has pans all over the stove, dishes all over the counters, mail scattered everywhere all over his house. Discarded wrappers under the couches (you get the idea). Every surface is completely covered. When I try to make dinner I often have no place to prep food because there is stuff in the way. He constantly loses things and his place wears me down because it’s complete chaos.
And I’m not a neat freak. I’ve been known to have some cluttery areas where I dump stuff in my own apartment. The difference is that mine is contained and I know where those areas are and go through them occasionally.
He desperately wants me to move in with him, but his place honestly drives me crazy and makes me feel stressed. He’s talked about cleaning it up so I can move in, but has spent maybe 2 or 3 hours in the course of the last 4 months doing anything about it. I’ve attempted to help out and spent at least 20 hours cleaning up and organizing his kitchen, living room and pantry and moving things he never uses to storage and organizing it.
He was grateful, but within a week things were back to unusable levels of clutter again even with reduced amounts of stuff and easier places to put it.
His bathroom was redone after a burst pipe and now it’s very clutter free and he says he’s scared to death of it getting cluttered. He’s militant about anything going in the bathroom because he wants it to be pristine. The problem is that this means all his bathroom stuff is sitting in the kitchen instead since there isn’t room for things he really does need, with a small two drawers in the bathroom that won’t fit it all. Even his contractor commented about how little storage he has in there. It’s completely unrealistic, but he seems much more interested in something looking pristine than actually being useful and workable.
When he tries to do anything about it he becomes freakish, panicky, hostile and unpleasant to be around. I think he has an unrealistic picture of “perfect” cleanliness that no one will ever achieve, so he can’t settle for “good enough” and lets everything become a nightmare.
I’ve tried to involve him with the process, but he finds excuses not to, or becomes so unpleasant that I can’t be around him while doing clean up. The only way anything gets cleaned up is if I do it while he’s away.
This is beginning to feel like a deal-breaker to me, even though I love the guy.
Any suggestions about how to deal with this? Sometimes I think he requires some counseling or something and even then I’m not sure if it would change. I’ve about had it with his aspect of his personality. Even though many parts of him and our relationship are really great I just don’t know if I can put up with it any more.