Howto

Ask the reader: what is your most timeless self-development problem?


Cyril the squirrel up for a challenge © Brian SnelsonCyril the squirrel up for a challenge © Brian SnelsonYou've been there, I bet! There's a problem that just refuses to be solved. As a matter of fact, your workarounds didn't really «work around» that problem. Sometimes, you're able to find a solution like a service or a product that will do the job. Alas, all of a sudden, the service or the product gets discontinued. Even worse: vendors and providers decide to split it up, into Scylla and Charybdis, oops: Classic and Premium. You've experienced the consequences: endless footnotes attached to suspiciously low prices, imposing limitation after limitation on you. All of that fine print tortures first your eyesight and in the second place your patience. Say goodbye to comparing offers and prices…

On this blog, I'm into discovering and describing timeless solutions for self-development problems. I've got some questions for you:

  • What are your timeless self-development and organization problems?
  • Did some solutions turn out to be Pyrrhic victories?
  • What is your toughest nut to crack, that obnoxious problem you'd like to see covered by a blog posting, here?

Please answer in a comment - I'll pick the toughest challenges and turn them into postings on this blog!


22 ways to say No


No Entry sign 1 © Melodi TNo Entry sign 1 © Melodi TSaying No isn't as destructive as you may think. Actually, saying No means you've already said Yes to something else. By saying No, we're setting limits, to protect that something. But even when you're willing to protect your interests: for many people, No (not Sorry) seems to be the hardest word.

So you finally said No… and … oh my, somebody becomes manipulative and tries to undermine your decision. It's time to act in self-defense. Below, you'll find a toolbox for self assertion (not a weapons' arsenal, though): If you learn to set limits, how to stay polite and still get respect, you'll not just feel better but actually develop your self further. Plus, you'll gain more time for your interests. Let's have a look at 22 proven strategies how to say No:  » Read more


Protect your inbox (5): Dispose of yourself


«Vieanna» © Ian Woods«Vieanna» © Ian WoodsHere's a disclaimer: I wrote this posting because I'm fed up with spammers, telemarketers and nosy companies that try to squeeze out each and every bit of information they can get from me, be it for resale, preparing unsolicited phone calls or mailing me their boring newsletters.

This article is for you if you feel the same. If you're looking for support in becoming Mr Fraud, please go away. And when you've read this posting, stay aware that everything mentioned here is available to everybody, and there is always somebody who may or even will try to use it against you. I recommend visiting the Digital Identity Forum for more thorough discussions of identity issues that go beyond practical aspects.

The fifth part of this mini series on protecting your inbox shows you how to maintain temporary inboxes that yo can dispose of at any time, whenever they start getting abused.  » Read more


Protect your inbox (4): Go async!


«Brokenness» © col_adamson«Brokenness» © col_adamsonIf you want to be distracted from your work, give in to chatting, instant messaging (IM), phone calls or meetings. These are the ultimate productivity killers, because they suck up all your attention, break your flow and turn you mind into an enchained tiger wanting to be set free. They're synchronous communication mediums: you «need» to react immediately. Opposed to that, media like email (and letters, do you remember them…?) work asynchronously: you decide when to react.

The fourth part of this mini series on protecting your inbox shows you how to limit information that jumps on your desktop, staring at you, demanding immediate response or action.

Synchronous communication garbage

I'll deal with three common, time-wasting, synchronous types of office nags that clutter your inbox here:

  1. Instant Messaging (IM)
  2. People dropping by
  3. (Invitations to) Phone conferences and meetings

1. Instant Messaging (IM) receives  » Read more


4 steps to reduce confrontation and anger: A cure from 1951


You've probably been there: despite your best intentions a conversation turns sore with anger or even into a heated dispute. How could anybody be so stubborn and tenacious? The behavior you'd like to see just vanishes somewhere on the horizon. How could things get so out of hand?

If you're assuming, in principle, that your counterpart is quite reasonable, «in general», then there is hope. Precisely because you might have nearly forgotten that assumption.

The concept I'll describe was written down in 1951 by Paul Helwig, a German psychologist, philosopher, stage director and screenplay writer. Later, Friedemann Schulz von Thun (a psychologist, too) added several practical extensions to it.  » Read more